How to ditch a conversation about marriage

A Punjabi aunty after 20 minutes of boasting about how her 25 year old daughter is a CA and earns almost a lac a month: “Beta what do you do?”

Me: “Aunty I’m a community manager”

Aunty: “so you manage communities?”

Me (getting tired of conversation):”Yes. I make sure people don’t do bad stuff and stay as we want them to be”

Aunty:”So you clean communities?”

Me:”Yes”

Aunty:”How?”

Me: “Nothing much, I just shoot people who irritate me”

—-end of conversation—-

‪#‎DitchingMarriageConversations‬ ‪#‎LikeAPro‬

For Bhumika, an ode to friends

Ab to yaad bhi nahin hamein, Ki kab pehli baar mulakaat hui thi,

Shaayad bol bhi nahi sakte the hum, Tab pehli baar baat hui thi,

Na jaane kitne din, kitni shaamein, hamnein saath mein bitaayin hain,

Saath saath kitne aansu bahaaye, kitni khushiyaan manaayi hain,

Kuch is tarah sab saath the, ki bade ho gaye aur pata na chalaa,

Hamesha hi sab saath rahe, duuriyon ka ek pal bhi na khalaa,

Ab to itne bade ho gaye hain, ki dhadkanein badal rahi hain,

Raaste badal rahe hain, manzilein badal rahi hain,

Dheere dheere hum sab, thoda duur jaa rahe hain,

Abhi to shuruaat hi hai, aur lamhe yaad aa rahe hain,

Yun to hum sab ne, samandar chhupa rakh hai aankhon mein,

Par tere gham mein, ek aansu na bahaa paa rahe hain,

aur muskurati rahe tu, khuda se bas yahi fariyaad hai,

tere bina har lamhe mein, tere saath na hone ka ehsaas hai,

Kabhi bhi yaad aaye, bejhijhak yaad karna, ki fir tere saath khade honge,

Aakhir khud chahe na ho, dosti ke ankahe vaadon mein paas hain tere…

The Last One Night Stand – Part 1

I stood there, looking at her sleep in the bed, with a cigarette burning between my fingers. She was beautiful. I had slept with many, and it was always the same. You get drunk, go to a hotel, have a one night stand, and before you know, either she, or you, are out of the hotel. I never cared to ask for their numbers, nor did they care to ask for mine. But tonight was a different night. As I looked at her calm body, breathing slowly, shining in the moonlight that came through the curtains, I felt my heart beat faster than usual. For the first time, I felt the blood rushing in and testosterone, out. I thought of waking her up, but then, I made myself a large peg of scotch and sat down, looking at her…

“Fuck she’s beautiful!”, I said to myself.

Part of her face shone in the moonlight, her smudged eye-liner, un-lipsticked lips and sparkling nose ring told a beautiful tale of passion and lust. Even though we were on the twenty third floor of the hotel, she, and not the city outside, was a view worth dying for. There was a smile of satisfaction on her face. Her dusky body shimmered like the black diamond in moonlight. I sat there, sipping my scotch and staring at god’s most beautiful creation, when she opened her eyes, and gave me a tired smile.

I sat there, my eyes fixed on hers. Maybe she had figured what was going on in my mind, because she gave a big smile before sitting up. She slowly stood up, eyes still fixated on mine. She stood there for few seconds, holding that silk sheet close to her breasts, and then, she let the silk sheet fall. I could see her standing there, dark and beautiful, like a goddess ready to tear me apart.

I sat in the chair (which was for some reason getting more uncomfortable with each passing moment), staring at a body that people would die for, and yet, for some reason, having sex wasn’t on my mind. I smiled at her as she came close to me and sat on my lap. I was about to tell her my thoughts when she spoke, and what she said broke whatever heart I had.

(to be continued…)